In modern history, there have been few icons as unifying as Taylor Swift. According to YouGov, 97 percent of Americans know her name, and of those, a substantial majority regard her positively. This puts Taylor Swift at the same level as the living legend who could make women faint with his mere presence, Michael Jackson. It also places her above Donald Trump, Keanu Reeves, Queen Elizabeth II, Ryan Reynolds, and even the main contender for the "male" Taylor Swift title, Ryan Gosling himself. It was then, while procrastinating on my chemistry homework and spending an unreasonable amount of time on YouGov, that the question sprung into my psyche. Who is the male Taylor swift? Is there any living man as unifying as her? Any man capable of causing an earthquake? This investigation seeks to find out.

Unfortunately, as stated before, the frontrunner in the “Male Taylor Swift” competition, Ryan Gosling, does not even come close to reaching Swift’s popularity. The only men YouGov places above Swift are Barack Obama, Bill Gates, Jim Carrey, Morgan Freeman, Johnny Depp, and Leonardo DiCaprio. These all fail for one reason or another. Obama, Gates, Depp, and DiCaprio are all to an extent controversial figures, either because of political initiatives they’ve supported or their scandalous personal lives. That leaves Jim Carrey, who is cool but doesn’t have the same “spunk,” and Morgan Freeman, who, although I personally adore, is too old for the crown. Thus, we find ourselves at a dead end with YouGov. Time Magazine also has a list of the 100 most influential people in any given year, ranging from Andrew Garfield to Xi Jinping. However, because Taylor Swift wasn’t on this list, it can be immediately discredited for the purposes of this discussion as not reflecting the popularity we’re searching for.

As I regret to inform you, after countless hours of research, I have yet to find a living person who fits the bill of “as popular as Taylor Swift, and yet also as inconceivably mid.” However, I found some historical examples. Take the Eastern Roman Emperor Justinian I. Though he never caused an earthquake, he did successfully cause the Nika riots, lasting over a week with 30,000 killed. Justinian also clearly shaped the world around him, and was known by everyone from the Merovingian Kings of the West to the Sassanid emperors of the East. Today, the Hagia Sophia still stands as an architectural marvel, constructed by him millenia ago. He was also able, if only for a brief period of human history, to reunite the Empire by reconquering the city of Rome. Gentlemen, this is a man with the staying power of Taylor Swift.

If this historical example doesn’t suit your fancy, then let me offer another angle. Though Leonardo DiCaprio is out, a prudent contender is the everything man, Leonardo da Vinci. Da Vinci, as the kids of today may say, “was him.” Despite not considering himself a painter and rarely ever finishing a painting, today his Mona Lisa stands as the most famous painting in the world. Beyond that, he was a draftsman, engineer, scientist, theorist, sculptor, and architect, a resume that would make anyone sweat. Despite living centuries ago, his notebooks and manuscripts are worth hundreds of millions and are treasured by men of such renown as Bill Gates. He conceived the helicopter centuries before it would be put to paper. Scholars regard him as the “Universal Genius,” quite literally what they imagined the perfect human to be. Gentlemen, this is a man with the staying power of Taylor Swift.

To those still upset, and for my heroes in the English department, William Shakespeare also stands in contention. Despite writing centuries ago in a language that nobody fully speaks today, Shakespeare holds such renown that his plays have been translated into every living language. They are performed more often than any other playwright, even contemporaries. His work is considered such a masterpiece that at Maggie Walker alone, every student studies at least two of his works (Macbeth and Hamlet). Shakespeare invented or introduced 1700 words that are still in use throughout his career, composing 1 percent of the entire modern English language. He was the patron of Kings, adored by everyone from Elizabeth I to James I (who he wrote Macbeth for). His work is parodied to no end, with works like Gnomeo & Juliet ripping straight from his textbook. Shakespeare had such an influence with his words, and yet we still don’t really know what he looked like. Gentlemen, this is a man with the staying power of Taylor swift.

Alas, though there may not be a living example of a male version of Taylor Swift, there are certainly admirable examples. There are some I didn’t even get the chance to mention, Ibn Battuta, Pythagorus, Einstein, Gandhi, Confucius, and more. What I have discovered in this deep delve into who the male Taylor Swift is, is that there’s nothing we can do. As it is, no living male can compete with her. Thus, enjoy the journey of discovering the past, and then maybe you’ll realize that the real Taylor Swift is the friends we made along the way.

Information retrieved from YouGov and Time Magazine.