As I rushed past the Senior Commons Freshman year, I desperately wanted to avert my gaze from any senior’s eye, and I found myself gazing at the infamous Wall of Shame. I saw, plastered on the wall, a pristine, unwrinkled paper clearly rejecting a Maggie Walker student from Harvard University. Yikes. That definitely sucked. Yet, somehow, I knew that for that senior the worst part was probably over. They were definitely going to some college, even if it wasn’t Harvard. Most importantly, they were all done with the wretched process. I became absolutely fascinated with the wall and would spend the last minutes of my lunch blocks reading the latest rejections. It was a graveyard of dashed dreams, but it also struck me as comforting and an effort for commiseration. It reminded me that Maggie Walker aims for the moon, and we often land in the stars. Freshman year, I had the luxury of fantasizing about applying to these schools, being a senior, and putting my own letter on the wall. I had a shiny vision of myself, much cooler and older looking, taping a rejection to the wall – of course not a rejection from my dream school, but from some other place I applied. I would entertain the dream, and then just a second later I would prance off to Global Studies. 

Now, when I see that wall, all I can imagine is my own failure. I will admit that one of the most stressful weeks of junior year for me was when early decision results came out. I was surrounded by the immense stress of my friends and peers, and I was entirely shrouded in fear for my own future in just one short year. As juniors, we lie directly in the shadow of our senior counterparts. We toil, work, and suffer as upperclassmen with a fraction of their glory. This breeds resentment, stress, and frustration. Sure, that’s how it’s supposed to be – but it has a measurable toll on the mental health of juniors. Time and again I’ve walked past the Wall of Shame or the senior commons, and all I could think was “If they can’t get in here or there, how could I possibly get in anywhere!” The thought chewed me apart and damaged my mental fortitude. I felt vulnerable and competitive and robbed by comparison. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. The Wall of Shame is to represent friendship and support at Maggie Walker, nothing else. 

As a school, as juniors, we laud our immense academic struggles and perseverance, often at the expense of our fragile mental health. Sure, we strive for kindness and collaboration, but internalized competitiveness can get the best of us. Maggie Walker is unique; in few other places will you find such a concentration of bright, successful high school students. But Maggie Walker is also breakable. This year, I’ve seen the dark side of the Wall of Shame, but I want to bring myself back into the light. The Wall of Shame and the community that it fosters is representative of all that can bring us together as upperclassmen at MLWGS.